Peace is the greatest gift

We have 2 Advent Retreats done and 1 more to go, and the best part is the day after I get to go home for Christmas and NYE!

This week has started off pretty well... yesterday we got some snow in the morning, that was really exciting. Today is a slow day in the office, we are all restocked and ready to go for this weekends retreat. I'm not complaining, but it's making the time pass by so slowly. I'm trying to make productive use of my time, but skimming through the college retreat binders and the book that we are basing this years retreat on, but there is only so much skimming that I can do. Jess really doesn't have anything for me to do, so I am blogging and crocheting Christmas presents for people.

Last weekend I gave the session on Love, and the 3 types of love (Agape, Eros, and Philos), it went alright. I am really excited this weekend, however to give the session on Peace. This is the one that I've been wanting to give, when talking about the gifts that God gives us and how we need to take these gifts everyday and share with others, in my opinion Peace is the greatest gift that you can give another person. Without peace, how can you share love, or joy? Peace is the foundation on which all things should be built, from your faith to relationships.

"The greatest gift anyone can give is the gift of peace, practice it with those you love and share it with those you meet" ~ Jess Okon

Waiting in Joyful Hope

The first of our 3 Advent retreats is over, and it went really well. We had 9 (including the Marianist) amazing families, each bringing their own dynamic to the group as a whole. It was so interesting for me to see how the larger families operate and deal with things that all families deal with. The amount of love that was here this weekend was overwhelming, saturday was a difficult day for me. I was really missing home. It was hard for me to see all these families going through the blessing ritual and sharing how each member brings love and joy, when my family is so far away. I was crying what seemed like all day, and every time that I would pull myself together somebody would say something and the tears would come rushing back. I'm really hoping that I can get through the next 2 weekends and n0t become such a sappy emotional mess.

There are a lot of things that I am waiting for these days it seems... mostly for it to snow. I am excited for that. I am also waiting to go home. 13 days 23 hours 21 min

"A happy Family is an earlier Heaven"

Today is the official start of our Advent Program, we have our families arriving around 5. I am really excited to see all of hard work finally come together and become a reality. I am nervous however, because this is my first family retreat. The dynamics of family are so fascinating to me, so many parts that I have never experienced before, everything is so new. I feel like up here I have this magic window into a life that I never experienced, while getting to bring the best of my life and myself into the mix.

We have the house all decorated for christmas. It was fun running around hanging garland, and putting together the christmas tree. It was bringing back memories of being younger and putting all the lights up when we lived in Belle Meade with Grace. They were happy memories, but our family was never really a happy one. My family here is happy, it may not be traditional but what in my life ever has been? I am happy here, of course I miss home and my mom, Miriam, Alegra, Manhattan; but I just keep reminding myself that this distance is only temporary and that I am becoming a stronger and better person because of it. Me being here in Cape May, will only teach me lessons that I can take back to Miami with me and be a better daughter, girlfriend, friend.

Life up here in NJ still fascinates me, so many new experiences and so many amazing people... the only thing left to say is, thanks, again.

Settled In

It feels like just yesterday I got here, and now I am getting ready to go home for Thanksgiving. The last 6 weeks have been incredible. Of course I have had my moments and days where I got homesick, but at the end of the day I realized that this is where I need to be, and home will always be there.

I can't even begin to talk about how much I have already learned, from work stuff and putting together retreats, to family life and raising kids, and so much about myself and what I want to do with my life. I have dreams and visions, I have a game plan (even though I know my plans are really just a suggestion, God always has final say).

I love the feeling of family here. We share meals together as a community, everybody comes from a genuine place of support and love. There is no judgement, no competition, just love.

arrive at destination.

I've made it to NJ! I've actually been here a few days already, this is my first weekend (its sunday night) I arrived this past tuesday afternoon. It was a great drive up, honestly couldn't have been better.

Cape May is beautiful. It is so peaceful here, peaceful like TECABOCA but in a different way. The whole town here is just at peace, there is no dam road to cross, just a long highway south. During the day it's great, I go for walks or bike rides, hang out on the beach. I am pretty comfortable being alone, it gets to the point tho that I just want to hear somebody else's voice, or at least read online what they have to say.

I know that people have their own lives and things, i just need a little love every once in a while.

Weeks turned to days...

It is now a little over day until my departure from Miami. I could not be more ready to leave, not so much physically, but mentally and spiritually.

My mom is calling it "separation anxiety," the trouble and arguments that I've been having with my "friends." For the last month something changed between myself and my friends, the people that I once thought would be there at my wedding, being the godmothers of my children, suddenly were all gone. Going back to what mom said, this being separation anxiety, know body really knows how to deal with this head on, accept it for what it is and learn how to cope. Instead, they are picking little fights and being so childish that it makes me want to leave.

It's crazy how much better I am dealing with the loss of the girls, versus how it was last summer with eggs and susi. One person makes dealing with everything so much easier, without even really doing anything in particular... but just by being. They are the one person, besides my mom and Alegra that make me want to stay in Miami. The one person who I want to come home for. It makes me sad that we've only come into each others life now, when I am leaving, but at the same time, it's as if we both know that there is a lifetime of togetherness... well at least the lifetime of us together.

I don't know if I will ever really be able to call somebody a best again. Every time I give someone the privilage of that title, it gets all screwed up, I get dropped. It gets to the point that I question myself, my actions and who I am; I have to keep reminding myself that I am a good person, and that I live my life in the best way possible for me, and if people don't like that or they are holding me down in a way, then I am better off without them.

This is the quote of the day that I have been reflecting on:

God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

Confusing love and obligation is what makes most of us bitter

I believe that there is a time in all of our lives where we have to decide between what is right for ourselves and what seems right for others, and a lot of times I know that I have always chosen to do what is right for others or right for the group as a whole. For the first time in a long time, this summer I have decided to do things right for me.

Making the decision to move to Cape May was a big starting point for me. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to live somewhere other than Miami, and after years of talking about it, finally I am actually doing it. I don't really have any answers as to why I never left before other than the time was not right. I still had a lot of lessons to learn.

Now as I sit here (in Jury Duty) trying to piece together the last 2 months of my life, and process the lessons that have been set for me there are a few things that come to mind.

1. I am the only person that knows me, what my needs are, and what my feelings are

2. people are going to deal with things in their own way, that is not your problem

3. No matter what happens always do what is best for you, that is the only way to ensure your happiness

I have had some surprises in the last few days that really made these lessons click in my head. Friends come and go, and even the ones that you thought would be there through it all have their line and that line is not in your control.

At the end of it all, everything is in God's hands and I trust that He is and will continue to provide me with people that are both healthy and supportive of my needs.

It's officially official.

We are at about 20 days until leave Miami, and I quit my job today. It went really well, which I had expected it to. Erica is so supportive and seemed happy for me. She offered me a job if/when I ever make it back to Miami. I'm still getting excited and really trying not to think about all the goodbyes.

1 month to go!

Today is exactly one month until I leave Miami!! Nothing much has really changed, I'm still excited and ready for this adventure! The one thing that I think will make it very official is when I quit my job at Poochini. I have it planned in my mind to do it on Sept. 11. I figure it's a saturday, she'll have the weekend to process. I am giving her 3 weeks notice.

Click.

I came home from the movies today and found Mom taking apart her bed frame to take it down to Cassandra's house and boxes to start packing. For some reason, that is what trigged this realization in my mind of all the changes that are happening in my life right now. Moving to Jersey, Mom moving to Cassandra's, not having my friends there, not having Alegra there. All of this just clicked. Obviously I know all of this is happening, but it's still seems so far off, still seems like talk. Seeing it physically start made it so real, so official.

38 days away from leaving, I don't really know what exactly these emotions I am feeling. There is so much happiness and sadness, excitement and anxiety, nervousness and fear covered with the thrill of the adventure. Its like all these emotions cancel each other out and I am numb.

I found another feather yesterday, it's as if God was assuring me again that this is all just part of the process and things are going exactly according to His plan for me. I trust Him, LIFE is good.

43 days...

I am ready to leave already, physically i am in Miami, but in my mind I am already gone.

Ready for Adventure.

The closer that I get to leaving the more excited I get about the road trip getting there. Stacey is going to drive with me! The trip is for the most part all planned out, 5 days 3 (maybe 4) stops: Savannah, Raleigh, Washington D.C. and possibly New York City. I've had this road trip planned in my head for so long, that it doesn't seem like it is actually going to happen. I'm so excited for the adventure of it all. Fast food stops, games, random sightings / stops, good music and great company.

I'm getting excited to see 4 seasons, I'll be there from Fall to Summer. Seeing leaves change and possibly snow on the beach is what I am most looking forward to.

Readjusting to say goodbye.

These past couple of weeks back home, since LIFE camp have been challenging for me. Like the title says, I feel like I am readjusting to a routine, to then turn around and say goodbye.

I move to NJ in exactly 7 weeks. There are a lot of things running through my mind. I get sad, but then really excited. It doesn't matter what type of mood I am in, my heart is somewhere else. It's with the times and the people that I shared 16 days with. I miss that so much, I miss them so much. It's a place and a feeling that I just can't seem to get anywhere else, such happiness and comfort. In conversation with a great friend, that happened to be feeling similar, told me this: "The reason you felt most alive and you felt safe is because you were loved unconditionally and you loved in return."

Not saying that the family and friends that I have here at home don't love me, or that I don't love them. It's just something that I can't really explain. It's a bond that goes beyond the fields and beyond the dam road. I pray that Cape May will bring me such feelings.

it's the essence of who you are, it's LIFE

LIFE is my favorite word hands down, it encompasses everything, from work to family, faith to friends, it is all a part of LIFE. This 4 letter word in my eyes is actually a 4 letter phrase, Living In Faith Experiences. It's remembering that no matter what LIFE goes on, and so must you.

Today was an interesting day. I get sad about leaving every once in a while and today was one of those days. its saying goodbye to Algera that is hardest for me... I can keep in touch with people, they can reason, converse, understand. I still don't doubt this adventure, and I trust God completely with his plan for me.

Answering a Call.

It's really funny how life works itself out. I've always said to live life without a plan, and sure enough my point was proven. This all took started about 3 weeks ago, I was in Texas at LIFE camp with the Marianist, and sometime on the this 16 day retreat, I got a call and I had to answer it. And this wasn't a literal phone call, but more of those spiritual callings that can't be ignored. So, this blog is going to be my log of this big adventure that I am on, let me catch you up on things.

I am originally from Miami Shores, FL working as a dog groomer. This big calling that I am talking about, is getting an internship at the Marianist Family Retreat Center, in Cape May, New Jersey. This is a huge change in my life and it is a lot to deal with, but I am really excited about the move and about working in the retreat center. I leave in 7 1/2 weeks, on October 1st.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks, since this all started happening, today is 1 week since I have started telling my friends and such. There have been a lot of different reactions, some better than others. My thoughts are good, a few moments of sadness, the reality of saying goodbye gets to me. But just when those thoughts sink, something happens or is said that just reminds me why I am dropping everything I know and chasing something that I am not really sure what it is yet.